Warning: This blog post may contain stereotypes. If you are allergic to stereotypes or suffer from HDD (humour-deficiency disorder), please stop reading now.
How To Date a Polo Player
Horse Junkies talk about Polo players like the elusive Jaberwocky or the Bigfoot. Seemingly awesome, but incredibly daunting. In reality, they tend to come with a lot more hype than they should get credit for.
I, like most newbies to Welly World got warning after warning to stay away from polo players. Ironically, from dressage divas who had their coveted photos in their tack trunks and took the long route to get coffee, just to go to the same coffee house as them.
Now, I don’t drink coffee but I do enjoy a good party, and on Sunday, party they will. So it was the inevitable I would encounter these god-like creatures my cohorts had warned me about. For a few months of summer, the polo circus leaves Welly World and (if you are a lucky horse junkie) heads to your town. So I thought I would help you ladies out and fill you in on how to date a polo player.
The rules of the game are simple. Here is my advice:
1) Play hard to get. I know it totally sounds cliché but these are men who spend every day coveting a trophy for a tournament. They work hard for it. If you want them to covet you, they need to work for it.
2) Learn Latin Time – They are busy, which means, they played an hour long game and spent 3 hours drinking cervezas and talking about it. It’s what they do.
3) Learn Salsa and Bachatta – Polo boys love to dance. If you want to impress them, dance well.
4) Choose Wisely – Avoid the high goal players. Every polo player has a handicap, professionals are from 3- 10, anything 8 or above you had better look like Carmen Electra and be prepared to be in front of the paparazzi non-stop and likely share the spotlight with several other women. Once you have narrowed it down, ensure that they are buying drinks for both you and your friends, if they don’t move along.
5) Beware of impostors – Many grooms will tell you they are players. Ask them what their handicap is, who they play for and how many horses they have. That should help weed out an unnecessary confusion.
6) Learn to love drama – There will undoubtedly be drama… these boys love drama and seek ways to create it. See number 7.
7) Play the game smarter – Polo players spend a lot of time thinking strategy, when drama is involved don’t get wound up, just play a better card. See number 6.
8) Be prepared – for some reason this crowd believes in coveting thy friend’s woman, which means if you are dating a polo player, each and every one of their friends will try to ask you out. See number 6.
9) Take a lesson – preferable from your very own polo bf. They mostly enjoy staring at your butt while you lean over to hit the ball. Let Them.
When you lack the availability of a horse any lesson will do. “How to wrap a polo” is being taught here.
When you lack the availability of a horse any lesson will do. “How to wrap a polo” is being taught here.
10) Have lots of girlfriends- once you are a secure fixture in a polo players life they will expect you to bring along an endless supply of girls to keep their friends happy. See Numbers 6,7 and 8.
11) Long term commitment – if you make it through a season people will start planning your wedding.
Bonus Tip: Avoid the Bromance. We lost my friend’s husband to a polo bromance, with rugged good looks and narly trucks these men are impossible for even dudes to resist.
Happy Dating!!
Susan
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